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Screenshot by Jenn Murphy

When we’re not agonizing over the latest heart-wrenching but also mad corny moments on “This Is Us” (or “Randall Deserves Better”, as I like to call it) or eagerly awaiting the fallout from Countess LuAnn’s wedding to Tom on the next season of “The Real Housewives of NYC”, my mother and I have been discussing (let’s be real, arguing) over the recent movie “Passengers.”


(Spoilers for the movie “Passengers,” if not being spoiled for this movie is somehow still important to you.)


Starring Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt, the film tells the story of a starship taking a 120-year journey through space to a new livable planet, and the two unlikely people who have to make sure it gets there without falling to pieces. Before it opened, the movie had serious buzz given its flashy stars and intriguing and mysterious premise. What’s wrong with the ship? Why are only these two awake with 90 years left in their journey? Can’t any film about space travel just end well? (It can! Go see “Hidden Figures.” In fact, go see it on January 20. It’s not like anything important is happening on that day.) Well, most of those questions were answered, including one that was answered in a…a not super great way.


The big question most of the movie’s trailers hinted at was why were these two the only ones awake? It appeared that Pratt’s character woke up due to some sort of technical malfunction, but Lawrence’s character’s story was left to mystery. Or, at least, left to get people to go see the movie in theaters. The big reveal in the film, that Pratt’s character woke Lawrence’s character out of her 120-year slumber so that he wouldn’t be so lonely, didn’t receive nearly the “whoa, that’s crazy!” response that I’m sure the writers hoped for. The many (and I mean many) negative reviews of the movie frequently highlighted the creepiness of this plot twist. I mean sure, the guy was lonely, but that’s no reason to wake up a girl who you’ve never even met and essentially force her, against her will, into a life solely with you on this ship. Homegirl’s gonna likely be dead before the ship ever lands on this shiny new planet and will never see her friends or family again! That is beyond messed up.


The movie, of course, tries to (and in my mom’s eyes, succeeds, hence our arguing) redeem Pratt’s character by having him come clean to Lawrence and risk his own life to save the ship and all of it’s snoozing inhabitants. And, of course, Lawrence’s character falls in love with him (despite the fact that he kind of imprisoned her) and chooses to not go back to sleep for another 90 years, even when Pratt figures out how to fix her sleeping pod. How romantic. Just kidding, I meant how disturbing.


So what can be done to fix this movie? Well, like many things, it took a woman to figure it out and that woman is me! Behold, my A+ plan for fixing “Passengers.”


In the most basic summation of the plot, boy wakes up alone on ship in space, boy gets lonely, boy wakes up girl to hang out with, girl finds out and gets super angry, boy and girl realize that ship will not survive trip, boy and girl save the day and fall in love blah blah blah. Well, how about having Pratt’s character wake up Lawrence’s only after he discovers that the ship is in peril instead of before?


Perhaps he finds in her records that she’s some expert in technology or engineering and instead of waking her up for companionship, he wakes her up and explains the ship’s dilemma and how he knew she was the only one who could help. Sure, she might still be a little mad, but knowing that his reasoning wasn’t just for his own selfish interests but for the interests of everyone on the ship would certainly make his decision much less sketchy. The two could still fall in love or whatever while working together to save the ship and maybe they could use their combined smarts to not only fix her pod but his too. That way they can have their romantic happy ending and not die on a ship while everyone else is asleep! It’s foolproof, it’s perfect and it fixes “Passengers.” You’re welcome.


What did you think of “Passengers” and its big twist? Have any movies that you’d like to fix? Is it about Tom? Please don’t let it be about Tom. Provide your evidence in the comments. And, as always…


Stay classy.